Alone...What?!

So as most you guys know, lil man is with Lita.

Aaaaand I finally get time off, 10 days to be exact, from work. (in 2 1/2 years)

Hubs, is at work...

I'm soooo freaking bored!

I've already watched movies, youtubed, painted my nails in the process....I think I may have to start being social outside of work. Ugh, ok, ok this whole friend/social thing has to kick in at sometime right??

Yea right, I totally suck at that aspect.

So now is time to entertain myself....I've been wanting this right? Why can't I have awesome ideas? Like, figuring out how to put makeup on or doing something with my fro.....probably cause I'm lame and content with no makeup (if I do, think Mimi from Drew Carey Show) or a bandanna totally means flair.

Since this is a rare moment, shouldn't I know what to do with myself?? Dancing alone is not as fun without a 3 year old next to you.

Believe me....I tried.

If this doesn't scream HERMIT, I don't know what it is.

Pre-baby Dreams

Mr Lova Lova and I pre-everything (dating) days

I don't know why I've even thought about this 3 years later....pre-baby, pre-marriage dreams.

I was a thriving band/nature photographer...nature, weird...a bit, but it was relaxation. Bands...I was doing awesome. Had a lot of my pictures in albums and memorials. I was awesome from Illinois thru Minnesota. (at 20! I was expanding!)

I moved to Illinois to be closer to my friend's record label that would send me out and travel with bands. How awesome would that shit be!? Travel the U.S. and do what I love?! Fuck yea!

Side note: I also moved to IL cause I fell in love with a band dude....that became my husband and gave me a beautiful baby.

That was my dream. Traveling the U.S. and doing what I love, photography. Hell, at 18, I was hoping to be a cross country trucker to do just that! Minus bands. High class right here.

Not my best stuff, but it's what I got on the comp.

Ever think of the things you would "like" to do before marriage and kids?? Do you look back and say "oh fuck me" (thank you Gordon Ramsey for putting that into my lingo) Or do you just accept the happiness and do what I do....baby photography.

Gunnar's First Christmas Photo Shoot

Don't get me wrong. I love my life. Every aspect. I'm just thinking about it, cause now, of the job I have, I miss being "me". The crazy colored hair punk rock girl...or just being out of the ordinary.

 

 

 Yup....this is me, giving you an insight. My loves. Every aspect. Loves. Good oles days and good ole present days. At 29, that life seems like an eternity ago. I love everything that's around me. Now it's just get outta this "artist block" and get back at it! Oh fyi, I lost a bet and that's the reason I had to change my hair to normal color...it unfortunately stuck around ever since.

 

 

A story about...Swamp Ass (a lot of ass up in here!)

My Swamp Ass experience started 2 years ago in a company that stated that ac in the trucks was a "luxury." Assholes.

Great. Soooo that's where I've been introduced of the awesome word and able to experience it first hand.

Alright so here we go. The funny part. Research:

Definitions:

1.

A common condition in which the ass crack and crotch becomes overly moist, sweaty, and stinky from one or all of the following:
- sweating on a hot day
- not bathing enough
- long day of work, sports, play
- incomplete wipe due to rush or laziness

The crack will often feel squishy, wet, unpleasant, and itchy. It is recommended to take a bath with soap to sanitize the condition.

 

 

2.

An unfortunate condition in which the taint (the often hair-bespeckled, flrshy space between balls and ass) is wallowing in the depths of a vile, festering, putrid poo swamp. A generally uncomfortable, unwipable ass. The only cure is gold bond.

Example: Jesus Christ, I hope Janice doesn't notice the permeating stench of my swamp ass while she's sucking on my balls!

 

(Sorry had to show number 2...cause really?? I'm still laughing about the horridness!)

 

3.

when your ass gets so sweaty, there is so much sweat it gets a little soapy, and your ass is drenched in sweat and your ass cheeks might even be pruned

Example: you could be sitting at a baseball game, just chillin with your friends, its a little humid you notice, suddenly you have to go to the bathroom, you stand up and your friends, family, girlfriend or boyfriend sees that your ass has two wet spots near the crack, one might say you have swamp ass or just imply that they are scared an alligator from your assmarsh might attack them

 

So there are a couple that made me laugh. Remember Assmarsh...fuckin genius!

 

Anyways, supposedly the word comes from gamers. Go figure.

 

Ok, back to the trucks and our awesome polyster uniforms. Imagine a the oven when youre taking something outta it. Got it? Ok, now imagine NO air circulation. Good...welcome to my hell on wheels.

 

Uniforms are the same shit. It's like the the shirts are made to keep in the heat and sweat. I'm getting hot and bothered thinking of this. Bothered that I'm writing about work!

 

The one thing I am happy for is that we wear black pants otherwise we'd be looking like this all the time:

 

So nasty.

 

Makes you wanna eat eh!

 

 

Ugh, no flies for us!! I can only imagine some of the people I work with.

 

I have daily summer swamp ass, swamp boob (gotta love that trickle going down), riverleg. Freaking gross. Almost feel bad for the people we deal with.

 

I asked on my Facebook for people to have other creative names for swamp ass, here's what I got (thank you ladies!!!)

 

Sluice ass

bog butt or bog boob

sludgy-we've kinda made it grossier and better...with chunks.

landfill crack

sewer ass

 

Start using them, then we'll reunite and see who made a new trendy word!

 

Dear Daddy-O

Dear Daddy-O,

 I don't even know how to start this, but here we go.

I miss you.

I miss your bear hugs.

I miss your intelligence.

I miss your being.

Your light has been gone for 7 years. But I can't stop thinking of you. I hope you're with us....with me. Cause I need you the most...ok I lie. My mom and WE need you. Miss you. Love you. Remember the last everything.

I've been thinking more and more of you cause I hear your song "Cool Change."

I named my child after you. I hope you're ecstatic up in heaven. (He definitely has a love for peas and eating one at a time...just like you) I can only imagine how you would be right this moment...

I miss you...a whole fucking lot. I could only imagine how you would swoop Gunnar up in your arms. How excited you would be when we made a playdate.

Daddy-O, I can only dream of you. I hope you know how wonderful you were/are. Cause without you...I wouldn't know where the water from the mountain came from. I wouldn't be the awesomeness I am without you and my mom by my side.

Regardless...I really wish you were still with us. My heart aches thinking how excited you would be for my son. He would be YOUR baby.

I can only hope that you are just proud of me. Yes, I have the strongest mom in the world, but you were the missing link to the soul. You're not my step dad, but the dad that let me choke him out at 7 years old.

I could really use your advice right about now. I could really use you BEING here.

This letter is my "prayer" to you so the whole world can see how amazing, awesome, fantastic, and every verb word I can think of you are.

I can't believe it's been 7 freaking years.

You will forever and ever be in our hearts.

Daddy-O, Mom, Me, And Cousin Ana

Love you, Daddy-O.

Your daughter

Growing up is for suckers.

We are embarking on a new journey of adulthood....home ownership. Ok, looking.

Someone, I work with reimplanted the idea of having a HOUSE. Whoa. Started looking and found what I thought was THE house. It was beautiful. And cheap too.

Just a slight fyi....I have no idea what happens when it comes to getting a house. I thought just get a loan, get the house, wham bam thank you ma'am.

Ugh, today was reality day of what really goes into getting a place. So sad after hearing all the info and not understanding what the internutter pages were saying to me.

Perfect house+no money= one sad mofo.

So ok, I've researched (If I did this much research in high school instead of my late 20's, I may have been a way better student) and scrolled through a lot of shit. So much info that I literally felt my brain melting.

This is my rant of letting go of what I thought was a perfect house. My tantrum so to speak.

Let me be honest here. I slightly feel like I gave up...but I didn't. I gave up on a house I just found yesterday, got my hopes up for (my own fault) and fell. Fell cause of me. Read the fyi. Learned a lot today of what goes into getting ownership.

New/old goal: GET MONEY! Ha. Save up every lil penny I can find/have.

I will get another dream house...I will achieve this damn goal. I will have a private backyard I can throw GL in so I can sit and sip (who am I kidding, Gulp) a margarita on my porch. I don't think that's too hard to ask...right!!!

Your kid is NOT a monkey!

The husband and I were talking about the shit people have said to us while in public with our son.

We have had good experiences with shit coming outta people's mouths. Unfortunately there was 2 times that made me want to punch a person in the face.

Experience 1:
Checking out and the cashier is saying hi to Gunnar. I tell him "say hi", (our son is not too shy and is VERY talkative). Damn cashier goes..."don't talk to him like that, he's not a trained monkey".

What!?! Well, excuse you lady for trying to brighten your day. Next time I'll "train" my kid to piss on your register. Seriously, I was just being nice. I could of just told my son to tell her to f off and start yelling STRANGER DANGER!

My husband was dying with laughter and with an oh shit look. He knows me too well and knows I said something. I did. Told her pretty much just that. "oh my bad, apparently my son doesn't like you enough to say hi" (good thing is that she was done checking me out). Ugh, it's getting me worked up just thinking about it.

Experience 2:
Two ladies walking in after us. One goes "OH MY GAWD he's sooo cute! How old is he??" Me: "He's 2"
 Lady: "Oh my gawd, you must have the devil on your hands!!"
 Me: "uhh no, he's actually very good. No trace of terrible twos in his lil body".
 Lady: "Ugh, you don't know what you're talking about."

Oh ok thanks lady. Cause you're with him all the goddamn time right!?

I do hate when older people tell me how to raise my son or how he should be. My kid is a freaking angel according to how they think.

Yea I have a moment when someone just had a baby and I said something stoopid like "oh my gawd, watch out, survive the first year and you're golden. Unfortunately they grow way to fast like weeds." I'm sure that person has heard it a MILLION times, the same way I did, but it's still fun to say it or just remember that time.

I just remembered. Walmart is evil! (minus the obvious facts) I call them drive bys aka some lady walks by and pinches/touches GL and walks away! What the fuck just happened?! It ONLY happens at walmart! Is there a code that you can do that, that I don't know about?? It's so bad that I have no chance for a reaction time. It's one of those "did that really happen?" moments.

So those are my bad moments that I can remember. I'm sure there are lots to come when Gunnar is able to talk clearly. Ohhh man, that should be fun.

Troubles with accepting the current.

Fuck, little man is at the stage that he wants his own bed...like real bed. Fuck the crib, mom and dad have a real bed why not me!

Great way to start eh.

Here's how it is. Lil man has been pretending to sleep on our bed. (co-dependent sleeping?? I WISH I knew what that was!) He jumps, he plays, he'll MAYBE lay down a couple seconds to let me cuddle.

I let my boy do the ultimate move that made me cry. (ok just get teary eyed..I think it's cause I got cat hair in my contact) And unfortunately it was my own doing.

Changing tables from the get go seem overrated. I've changed my kid from the floor BUT on the changing pad that's supposed to go on the table.

That pad is still there...who doesn't like their ass getting clean from a cushioned cloud??

Anyways, tonight...he cuddled up like usual (I'm in TOTAL denial about this) on the pad. Ok fine, as my heart breaks and realize whats going on....I put his blanket on him.

HE GOES FAST ASLEEP!!

What the fuck?! Noooo!!! Where are my "I wuvs you" "mi muchachito lindo" "mi Corazon!" Where's are nightly high 5's that we do. Or the shark theme that makes him giggle!?

My husband started talking about making a bed frame. WHAT?! I need, no it's a want, for my lil boy to stay just that...Little.

Parenting is hard shit to do. Really it is. It's smiles and tears. I'm just not ready to let go of the innocence. I want my boy to be just that...MINE. I want him to still give me a death grip hug, I want him to NEED me.

I'm being a sap. Thank mother nature and hurting my ovaries for this rant. I'm such a sad little asshole cause of pms.

I've been staring at my son and thinking..."goddamnit, you're getting big" and how can I stop evolution.

There's no solution. Cause this is a lil human that will evolve and be the greatest thing I have ever made.

Thank you for reading my rant...now look at your child/children and hope karma ain't a bitch!